@matt_gh2
Thanks buddy!

Big change coming:)

@vicharris @_OZ felt the same re the chest pat but clients, can't work with them, can work without them...and starve.

@vicharris Yeah, this is a lot better. Runs a lot smoother :)

I think it could still be massaged a little shorter though. For me, after the girlfriend and boyfriend finish talking, the setup is completely sold. You can cut the next line from the Blonde and just into the punchline sequence.

I also agree with @belfryman; cut "we all have our stories".

Then after the speaker says "How did we get so embarrassed about tampons" there are two reactions with lines (you can just use one).

I think that would help the pacing along.

I agree with @maxr, cup sounds and other sound mixing could help (but you already told us the audio is pretty raw so it's kind of a moot point).

Maybe the client can come up with a better final title, but your placeholder text works fine for me. I read it as rhetorical, not awkward sentence structure... But what do I know? I like to write in sentence fragments and trail my sentences off because...

Anyway, again great job overall!!! I think we're really all just nit picking :)

-w

@rockroadpix

Thanks man. As for that, it;s going to change. It was just a sort of place holder. The powers to be will let me know what to put there ;)

@_OZ

The chest pat was particularly asked for by the client. One of my later passes had it out and I was "asked" told to put it back in the final. Period! hehehe

As for the "they're just tampons" part, already done since I posted the edit you saw :) Lost 2 or 3 secs there. It comes right back from the other ladies reactions to that last line.

@maxr

Ahhhhhhhh, that's what I thought but wasn't sure. Damn internet loses so much translation and feel :)

Thanks for the advice on the buddy situation. Probably alcohol is the way to go!

Really like it. This may have been mentioned previously. I'm exhausted from prepping two commercial shoots, but "Embarressed"?

@maxr

The sound of the cup, needed, also a "pinch of uncomfortable sounds" ( Yep, real sound stuff done yet)

I understand the girl raising her arm to talk, but that part just feels strange, guess that's because I am a rude man and the only thing I'll raise... forget it (Prob personal taste) :-)

The curly girl's "wear them proud" needs some kind of emphasis or cut out (Yep, going to punch it up!)

1 more sec in last phrase "Isn't time..." or better, rephrase; anyway sounds really awkward... why the question and not and affirmation? Time for a company not to be embarrassed about tampons (It was pretty much a place marker till they came up with something better but you're right)

I know I am entering "personal" territory but I'll give reds some spotlight (?)

PS I forgot most important: kudos it's looking really nice :-) (Thanks man. I'm tyring to pretend I'm an edito over here, now let's see how the CC and grading go!!!!!)

Thanks again for all your advice. Glad I have a place to sort of bring this offline before it's delivered to get good, honest feedback. Little easier to give your advice online than in person. I have to tell a buddy that something he wrote, starred in and possibly shot might be one of the worst things I've ever seen and he can't let anyone see it. Not sure how I'm going to do that!

The sound of the cup, needed, also a "pinch of uncomfortable sounds"

I understand the girl raising her arm to talk, but that part just feels strange, guess that's because I am a
rude man and the only thing I'll raise... forget it

The curly girl's "wear them proud" needs some kind of emphasis or cut out

1 more sec in last phrase "Isn't time..." or better, rephrase; anyway sounds really awkward... why the question and not and affirmation? Time for a company not to be embarrassed about tampons

I know I am entering "personal" territory but I'll give reds some spotlight

PS
I forgot most important: kudos it's looking really nice :-)

@CFreak

Thanks man. Good to get an opinion from someone who's worked around this product!

@astraban

I agree with the sign we see but I need to get away that cut at that point for some reason, I can't remember why. Maybe the camera moved too much or something. I have another shot and it's always a balance and a sacrifice for a low budget shoot. I'm sure English not being your native language doesn't help though :) Haven't had that feedback yet but I would like to stay on it a sec longer since it's a comedic element. I'll check out that shot at :31 too. Thanks for checking it out as well. I don't mind constructive criticism at all. It's the only way we can get better!!

Tons tighter. If anything I would cut the line we all have our stories and come back in with I knew after the cutaway and could just shorten the beat before she says they're just tampons, I can't make out the line that is being said underneath that just tampons shot though, so maybe I'm just being deaf an that would make it work. It's a script thing really, but I would want to cut from thank you for that story to..how did we all get so embarassed about tampons, once you've seen the sign and heard it's about tampons the gag is over, though you're going for the topper with the tampon up the nose for me it adds a lot of bulk in the script I'd want to cut.

Nice. It works. Congrats. I once worked on a commercial for playtex in NYC for Gray Advertising. Whenever people stopped to ask what we were filming they looked put off by the answer "Playtex". One guy with his date said "Well somebody's got to make the commercials". lol.

Mmm, link sent me to me own youtube vids.