@maxr

The sound of the cup, needed, also a "pinch of uncomfortable sounds" ( Yep, real sound stuff done yet)

I understand the girl raising her arm to talk, but that part just feels strange, guess that's because I am a rude man and the only thing I'll raise... forget it (Prob personal taste) :-)

The curly girl's "wear them proud" needs some kind of emphasis or cut out (Yep, going to punch it up!)

1 more sec in last phrase "Isn't time..." or better, rephrase; anyway sounds really awkward... why the question and not and affirmation? Time for a company not to be embarrassed about tampons (It was pretty much a place marker till they came up with something better but you're right)

I know I am entering "personal" territory but I'll give reds some spotlight (?)

PS I forgot most important: kudos it's looking really nice :-) (Thanks man. I'm tyring to pretend I'm an edito over here, now let's see how the CC and grading go!!!!!)

Thanks again for all your advice. Glad I have a place to sort of bring this offline before it's delivered to get good, honest feedback. Little easier to give your advice online than in person. I have to tell a buddy that something he wrote, starred in and possibly shot might be one of the worst things I've ever seen and he can't let anyone see it. Not sure how I'm going to do that!

Really like it. This may have been mentioned previously. I'm exhausted from prepping two commercial shoots, but "Embarressed"?

@rockroadpix

Thanks man. As for that, it;s going to change. It was just a sort of place holder. The powers to be will let me know what to put there ;)

@_OZ

The chest pat was particularly asked for by the client. One of my later passes had it out and I was "asked" told to put it back in the final. Period! hehehe

As for the "they're just tampons" part, already done since I posted the edit you saw :) Lost 2 or 3 secs there. It comes right back from the other ladies reactions to that last line.

@maxr

Ahhhhhhhh, that's what I thought but wasn't sure. Damn internet loses so much translation and feel :)

Thanks for the advice on the buddy situation. Probably alcohol is the way to go!

@vicharris Yeah, this is a lot better. Runs a lot smoother :)

I think it could still be massaged a little shorter though. For me, after the girlfriend and boyfriend finish talking, the setup is completely sold. You can cut the next line from the Blonde and just into the punchline sequence.

I also agree with @belfryman; cut "we all have our stories".

Then after the speaker says "How did we get so embarrassed about tampons" there are two reactions with lines (you can just use one).

I think that would help the pacing along.

I agree with @maxr, cup sounds and other sound mixing could help (but you already told us the audio is pretty raw so it's kind of a moot point).

Maybe the client can come up with a better final title, but your placeholder text works fine for me. I read it as rhetorical, not awkward sentence structure... But what do I know? I like to write in sentence fragments and trail my sentences off because...

Anyway, again great job overall!!! I think we're really all just nit picking :)

-w

@vicharris @_OZ felt the same re the chest pat but clients, can't work with them, can work without them...and starve.

Big change coming:)

@matt_gh2
Thanks buddy!