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Transphobia: The Movie
  • Ok. here it is. Your chance to let me have it for being a loudmouthed asshole for so long. Here is my soft belly beneath my gruff exterior. I'm transgendered.

    Regarding my decision to public identify as trans… there were a number of factors that went into this decision that I won’t get into here. As for the backstory: Back in 1998 I began Hormone therapy to transition my body from that of a male to that of a female. As of 2000 I was about to make the full leap into living full time as a woman when I developed a blood clot the size of my little finger in my hip nearly ending my life…afterwards the doctors did not feel safe continuing HRT and things were put on hold for quite awhile… Upon arriving in LA in 2004, I consulted with a few people in the industry and told them of my intention to resume my transition along with pursuing a career as a writer/director, and was cautioned against the former. In short I was told, “Your chances of ever being a successful filmmaker on the level you're seeking are already as thin as they are for everyone else…but as a transgendered individual those chances drop to zero.”

    My instinct was to shake my fist at the universe and say, “Damn the odds!”, but the truth is I was afraid, and I let my fear get the best of me. I decided to do what Lana and Lilly Wachowski would later do, and wait until I had enough money and enough gravitas to make the change… but in doing so, I’ve made myself miserable. 12 years have passed, and those who on rare occasion over this period have seen me in my feminine state are shocked to discover someone who is personable and filled with joy.... and gone is the sometimes surly curmudgeon many of you have learned to tolerate… Someone I really don’t like. While slowly building my career, I’ve been waiting for that perfect situation… waiting to resume my life once again… I can no longer wait. I haven’t the time. I have many regrets. I do not want to regret having never truly been myself. This was determining factor number 1.

    I’m no fool. I know now that because I’m trans, my opinion instantly counts less than it did when I appeared to be a man. Whenever I have a crazy idea, instead of those I work with thinking that maybe there’s a spark of genius in the idea, eyes will roll, “She’s crazy.” I’ve instantly tilted the odds against myself in almost every aspect of life. Every challenge women face, in not only this industry, but the entire business landscape, will now be levied against me, add to that the prejudices and pre-conceived stereotypes that come with being a member of the Trans community. I’ve made my task of succeeding in any measure infinitely more difficult. Why not wait a little longer? You’ve waited this long. So why…WHY would I do something so colossally foolish - knowing full well the consequences?

    Because I see a tide of hate, violence, and discrimination against my trans brothers and sisters that I can no longer tolerate. I’ve been able to conveniently hide from it in my male persona. I could loudly advocate for justice, but then retreat to the safety of “normalcy”. I could carry on with my life without the fear of discrimination, ridicule, or violence. This is unfair to those struggling to live their lives in the skin they feel most comfortable in, and yet are placed squarely in the crosshairs of bigotry and misunderstanding while I hide from it. My family and friends of course worry for my safety as do all people who are connected to a Trans person. I’m now amongst the ones targeted for such barbarian nastiness. But I did this, because the fight for equality and acceptance needs people who despite their fear, are willing to take a stand, and endure the storm. So, I will stand proudly as a trans woman, and shout down the voices of insanity that call for the persecution of those of us who don’t fit conveniently into a black & white world viewpoint. I can’t let a rabid minority of people with archaic world views attack and oppress people like me who just want to know peace and find love. It is not just.

    My coming out will not change the world today. But maybe someday I can help leave the world a better place than I found it.

  • 52 Replies sorted by
  • Didn't see that coming. This would make good document film... but Ed Wood already did it :) Anyway, I respect your decision and courage.

  • I dunno if this is true or another stunt/provocation/self-reference show/advertising move/etc.
    If it is - those words sound awakened enough - I hope you're able to be less of a righteous asshole ( no matter if you're right or wrong... you, better than most could understand and embrace that =) and happier as a woman than you've been in a man's skin... we'll see I guess.

    Also if it's true I heart-fully congratulate you for going out in the open and wish you the strength to be able to walk proud out of such a "sin", as in this day and age there are many hypocrites who say freedom while shaking the chains of prejudices. Still is a men's world so courage and good luck

    These make more sense now -

  • Hey Shian,

    I give you credit for coming forward with who you really are. I know that this must have been a very difficult decision for you.

    I will take a step back into my own life experiences. About 27 years ago when I was 18 I had a nephew that liked to play with dolls and women’s hair. He did not want to hang out with the men or boys only females. He was about 5 or 6 years old at the time and did not exhibit any type of feminine behavior other then that. My girlfriend at the time now my wife, both looked at each other and discussed that his behavior was very abnormal and that more then likely he will be gay when he gets older we just knew it at the time.

    As he got older around 12-14 he still did not fully come out of his shell and continued to act like a regular male. Then at around 16 years old he started to come out of his shell and start to carry pink back packs etc. Then at around 18 he full came out of his shell and now dresses like a woman with makeup and everything.

    Honestly speaking culture/society play a big role on what is acceptable and not acceptable. That being said how I grew up gay people were frowned upon and generally speaking kinda looked at like a black sheep. This is the sad but the brutal truth. I grew up believing that marriage must be between a man and a women and anything else is just totally unacceptable.

    Fast forward to today. One day I had a conversation with my son and the topic of gay marriage came up. I was absolutely steadfast against men marrying men or women marrying women then my son told me that I was being prejudice, that statement that I was being prejudice changed my whole perspective.

    I bring this up because my next door neighbor who is this older white guy probably in his mid 60’s was really prejudice. One day while he was drinking his whiskey on his porch he called me over and said that white people should marry white people and that black people should marry black people and that they shouldn't intermix.

    WTF in this day and age we still have people that have this kinda mindset? Well even though that really pissed me off the sad part about it is that I was prejudice towards gay people and didn't even realize it. My son who was only 16 at the time told me that I was being just as prejudice as the white guy across the street. This was like a light switch for me and I have forever changed my mindset.

    Who am I to decide what makes somebody happy? Who am I to decid whom somebody can love or hate. And finally who am I to decide if someone should be able to marry the person that they love? Thats right its not my decision at all it is up to the individual.

    Honestly speaking if I were a transgender I am not sure that I would have the courage that you have. I congratulate you for coming forward with who you really are. This takes a tremendous amount of courage, and do not for one instance feel ashamed for who you really are.

    Best Regards,


  • I commend your bravery. Keep rockin your filmmaking passion. Enjoy your newfound freedom...which does come at a cost...but is freedom nonetheless.

  • @maxr nope not a stunt, this is just my life... I just thought the thread heading sounding catchy.

  • I just thought the thread heading sounding catchy

    ja ja ja it's catchy alright and the picture's also nice; now I've just have to get used to this redhead Shian =)

  • My ethos in life and filmmaking is be who you wanna be; don't worry about what other people think, especially the tossers in Hollywood. I've limited my funding and distribution opportunities by speaking out about Israel's war crimes. Like I give a shit. I don't wanna be associated with people who've traded their humanity for fat stacks anyway. I'd love to have you working on my film @shian if the union and budget allows it. It's the 'normal' people who scare me; conformity is the real crazy.

  • wow @squig - looks intense... Love the lighting, the texture. And thank you.

  • Thanks mate. I just hope I can raise enough cash to make every shot look a lot better.

  • I applaud your bravery! Don't let the bastards get you down.

  • Well, somebody got to say this: you´re prettier as a woman than as a man :o) I hope you can find your place in the industry and the love you´re looking for. And I hope, too, this is for real :o)

  • Props @shian +1

    I hope your freedom brings you all that you hope for and thank you for all you have done here and hope it will continue.

    I had a gay roommate my freshman year of college, who had just come out of the closet and was convinced the whole world was gay, it just needed him to give a little push to get everyone to come out of their shell. His best friend was an organizer for ActUp and the 2 were a handful to deal with. Especially with my live-and-let-live attitude that was a way to sidestep the confrontations and challenges they subjected me (at times) to. I survived and he learned the whole world isn't gay.

    Then there was a male college friend, from the Mid-West USA (conservative) who dressed up as a woman for Halloween, we were in NYC, so it worked. At his wedding to his 1st wife, in a more conservative part of the country, he dressed as a woman for his bachelor party and went out to a strip club. He lives far from me and I have no idea what state he is in today, but, on social media he is dressed as a man and working in the film biz. You have given me some food-for-thought.

    When I was a camera assistant I worked on "Devil's Advocate" on some stunt scenes. We did some camera pin registration tests (analog film days) during prep, for the VFX supervisor, who called us with the results. She had a deep voice and her name was Stephanie. I heard later from a DP on another shoot, that he had worked with her when she, was a he, I recollect, named Stan. I remember seeing Stephanie on set and thought how brave she was, with a deep voice, dressed as a woman on set.

    I just looked her up for you, as she has blazed this trail before. Sadly IMDB says she died of a heart attack in 2001, but, know there have been others, maybe with a lower profile than The Matrix, before you who were doing well in their career. Maybe in LA, in some VFX circles you may already be in, someone you know will remember and can recount the story of Stephanie.

  • ooops...wrong bathroom ! We used to recommend a psychiatrist we've been socially manipulated into recommending a surgeon. The comments here reflect our social engineering. They used to say that 10% of the population was gay, and it was just nature's fluke. Now what % want sexual reassignment and bathroom privileges ! When a person has body integrity disorder, we call it what it is...a disorder. Why is this different ? This video demonstrates just how screwed up the social engineering has gotten.

  • @kurth

    With development of society tolerance is much better. You need to learn to live with it.

  • @Vitaliy ...society's development is not a linear advancement. As a russian, you should be more than aware of that. From the video , anyone can see that too much tolerance results in a complete lack of intellectual discretion...about anything ! And you're wrong...I don't have to live with it. I can point out it's flaws and hypocrisies. Of course, the people that just learn to "live with it" can line up for their rfid chips implants.

  • Tolerance is better, but to not have an opinion about peoples lives can be even better still. Shian be Shian, in trousers or dress makes no difference.

    I would work with her if given the opportunity because her work is top notch, thats all

  • Shian be Shian, in trousers or dress makes no difference.

    Fully correct. Nation, sex and such does not matter really. It is that you are doing and that you can do that matters.

  • ...I don't have to live with it. I can point out it's flaws and hypocrisies. Of course, the people that just learn to "live with it" can line up for their rfid chips implants.

    I just think that this topic is not best place :-)

    I also congratulate you with intention to become communist. As if think that you can change any similar things while keeping capitalism - you are wrong.

  • I can picture @kurth outside a cake shop that makes gay wedding cakes with a sign saying: "it's too much tolerance; a complete lack of intellectual discretion, and I don't have to live with it". No @kurth you don't have to live with it; now run along back to your cave and show your inflatable girlfriend what a big man you are. The grown-ups are trying to have a discussion.

  • @squig

    Let's keep it good here, no fights and personal stuff, ok?

  • When science has reached a point where it can redefine and surgically change a persons natural born sex, is that any different than manipulating genetic material in embryos and creating another species ? A small step towards what ? I think people have been incrementally manipulated to accept something that's coming and will be distasteful to most of humanity. Of course , most of humanity are still imagining silly post-apocalyptic nonsense, when the real threat is much more sublime.

  • @kurth , as you're normally a quite informed and researched person it comes a bit as a shock not that you've got your prejudices - we all have, I have a bunch of them too and ( also as yourself) I try not to hide or sugarcoat them - but that your mind's output is so linear... and that total BS manipulative video you've shared. Not attacking you, you're entitled (see I do not use the word "free"... anywhere :P) to defend whatever values are core to you, but at least step out of Nasrudin's streetlight. For those lazy in the head you can switch the "light" in the parable by ideas, values, experience, philosophies, politics, knowledge, truth, etc.

    @squig normalization (homogenization) and common sense are two bureaucrats that at night go as lyle and margot; I despise bashing... not because its intolerant nature ( and doesn't matter if it hides behind a majority or minority, that's also more crap) or any other liberal bullshit; but because its the lowest and many times most coward way of defining a stand point, taking sides... going to war... ah ohh uhh it's okay now to kill the other guys 'cause they're in the opposite side of the fence...eating same hard boiled eggs and mandarins, piurghh!!

    Everything has to be defined, divided, categorized, I'm so lucky to be so sure 'bout my manlyhood, good for me; now I can fuck many women and brag about it, maybe love a woman and our fruits ONLY and latter also a big obedient dog. Life's so reassuringly clear... wow and almost everything that surrounds me increases that reassuring feeling, I'm so lucky... but hey my neighbor Robert has a great ass, wait a sec!!! I cannot do that, I'll lose everything... that fear there, thats the mind's nurture for the worst hypocrites. Not saying anyone's a closet gay 'cause of that, but that's forbidden territory, a grey uncharted zone, so instead of dealing with whatever reasons trigger my curiosity, I'll better make triple sure to show everyone else how not gay I am; now I'm ready to embrace handsome Jesus and that thick black book I'll never really read and start making bonfires.

    As much as I personally didn't quite go along with Shian, I cannot but imagine how fucking hard must be the process... adding to that the cradle of human gender's stereotypes machine, aka hollywood, ufffff The Crying Game; + 1 on Robin's (and Vitaliy) healthy attitude =)

    There's a saying I like "love choses with its own eyes"

  • @maxr know that "bs manipulative" video....I look at those kids and say....what the fux is happening to young people ? Look at their faces. They are so lost. They have no ideas, about themselves, nor about the world. Gay...I couldn't care less. My sister-in-law is gay and I love her. She's completely comfortable in her body. And as for cross-dressing, well, it's as old as humanity itself. But surgical alteration of ourselves is crossing the line.

    I reread your 1st post. Maybe you should reread it yourself before you throw stones. Pity doesn't convince me to not look at the larger issue....which is transhumanism. The line crossed is the surgical incision, and the resultant social confusion. Where does it stop ? We can't allow man/science/society to change what nature created so well, over millions of years. If we start, we're doomed as a species.

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